I had dreams. They included getting a job at the library or something like it. I was hired with three other people and had to work for a husband and wife team. Two of the other employees were k and her sister g. I couldn’t find the employee handbook or figure out what was expected of me in terms of where I was to work and what my schedule was. At one point the wife and the husband both were calling me on the phone to say I was taking too long a lunchbreak and had to come back. When I walked outside I met r’s sister s in squirrel hill. We were going to hang out but I couldn’t avoid their phone calls any longer. I had to call back and say I was coming. They asked me how many hours I wanted to work. But it was in a way that was implying if I really wanted the job or not. And I thought to myself well maybe I could tell them I want part time. But instead I gave a number close to full time, 38. Because I was afraid of saying the wrong number. I thought to myself I would figure out what I could ask for later when I checked the manual on the computer. I couldn’t get back to the right place on the intranet. D was there for parts of things, seeming like he knew everything he needed to do and how to be comfortable and handle the situations. There was some tension with the woman authority, somehow she decided she didn’t like me. The way I dressed or what I did at all. Thought I wasn’t deferring to her enough. Didn’t like me talking to her husband or his friend, the other person who work in an authority position. There were stairwells to the rest of the library and the bathrooms, I couldn’t find the bathroom. When I opened one door it started turning on music to another part of the library. I noticed a camera on the wall up above. I was scared to go to the bathroom then. It was cluttered and had drawings and pictures and things on the wall that reminded me of something like kiva han coffee shop style. I was in the depths of the library building. There was nyc, crafton, squirrel hill, places I’ve been. At one point I said something about how I used to think or suspect the library might be haunted. I didn’t get a response from anyone about that. I think also b from duquesne was there and possibly j from grade school. People who knew what they were doing and seemed to be getting along fine. I felt poor and confused and lost and bad in comparison to them. I wished I could get one of them to sympathize with me and explain some things. To be my friend or ally.
While using the neti pot I was looking in the mirror at my neck and chin. Some blackheads. Some hairs poking out. Some moles. Some red spots, raised bumps. These are pretty normal if you’re the type of person to get them on your skin. I then had the memory about having my school picture taken in kindergarten, but I had the chicken pox at that time. I remember mom freaking out about how unfortunate it was and how the pictures were completely ruined because of the marks on my face that you could see. She was upset with me for coming down with the chicken pox at the time of school pictures. I was five. She was upset that my face and skin did not look perfect in the picture.
ptsfree 