emerging from someplace cold

i’m afriad of what i might find. i’m afraid of what i’ve been hiding/from. will it be too deep. will it hurt. how will i handle the feelings and the burden and the heavy especially while i recover. is it the right time. is it time. is it coming clean. if i tell my therapist what does that mean. do i feel more vulnerable then. does that make it more real. am i less able to own it or more if i’ve shared it. what happens when they ask me and i tell them. what about when someone asks how i feel and i am not sure. and i stop pause and close my eyes trying to feel like i’m not faking when i answer their question. and i still don’t feel much of anything. how do i know how i feel, what i need or what. how can i inhabit my moment and experience with my body so that i have sensations and feelings.